1. Any character who claims
to have been assaulted by fictitious assailants should at least go
to the effort of leaving footprints and other indications that there
actually was someone else in the room/garden/forest at the time of
the assault.
2. The child/young man/woman
who tells everyone at every conceivable opportunity that his/her parents
died while he was still a baby will not discover that his father/mother
is actually alive and lord of the manor.
3. No one will dress up
as a headless monk/cavalier/woman in white to scare people away from
whatever it is they're up to, particularly if the place in question
is one which no one would ever have had any intention of going to
anyway if it had not been for reports of a headless monk/cavalier/woman
in white there.
4. Moriarty did not survive
Reichenbach, nor is he a figment of Holmes's imagination.
5. Newspaper reports of
Irene Adler's death will not be followed by her astonishing reappearance
at an embassy ball/theatrical premiere.
6. If a feisty young Victorian
girl who prefers men's clothing must appear as a major character she
should at least have the decency not to have a much-loved drippy companion
who cannot understand why she objects so much to petticoats, corsets
and needlepoint. Neither will she be related to the Holmes family
in any way whatsoever.
7. No child shall assist
Holmes in the solving of a crime.
8. Mrs Hudson will not
scold Holmes for not finishing his lunch, nor will she have an accent
that would embarrass even Dick Van Dyke (see MARY POPPINS). Her use
of the words "nice cup of tea" will be limited to once per book.
9. Should, on any occasion,
Holmes and Watson see a gopher, mockingbird, bluebird or jackrabbit,
particularly if this occurs on Dartmoor, they will be suitably surprised
and comment on the fact they as far as they were aware these species
did not exist in the United Kingdom.
10. Sherlock Holmes will
not own a talking dog or cat, particularly if this animal has a cockney
accent.